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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23448829">Take Care of Those You Call Your Own</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/writeyourlettersinthesand/pseuds/writeyourlettersinthesand'>writeyourlettersinthesand</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Bohemian Rhapsody (Movie 2018), Queen (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Brian May's actual illnesses, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Hurt Brian May, Hurt/Comfort, I wanted them to be able to text ok, John Deacon is an angel bean, Kinda, M/M, Mostly Fluff, Not Famous Yet, Pining, Protective Freddie Mercury, Real People as Fictional Characters, Sick Brian May, Worried Roger Taylor, and they were ROOMMATES, anxiety/depression, bit of angst, but everything is fine, sorry brian, tw nightmares, yet another modern au, young queen</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 05:54:33</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>13,957</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23448829</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/writeyourlettersinthesand/pseuds/writeyourlettersinthesand</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Modern-Day Queen AU, before they get famous. Brian is newly home from the hospital, Freddie is a mother hen, John is trying his best, and Roger is pining so hard he's probably going to spontaneously combust.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Brian May/Roger Taylor, Jim Hutton/Freddie Mercury, John Deacon &amp; Brian May &amp; Freddie Mercury &amp; Roger Taylor, John Deacon/Veronica Tetzlaff</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>48</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>130</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>If you're wondering why I never post anything except Brian whump, it's because I self-project on him and I really need therapy. Try not to read too much into that.</p><p>Also, I read a quote from Freddie saying that he tended to worry about Brian a lot because he never asks for anything if he's not feeling well, so I explore that a lot in this one.</p><p>(This is a fictionalized version of these characters and is in no way intended to be a reflection of their real lives.)</p><p>Thank you for reading!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Roger, you’re going to ruin the floors with all of your pacing. Sit down.” Freddie glanced up from his notebook as the blonde paused in his anxious stride and sighed heavily.</p><p>“What do I do, then? Come on, give me some kind of advice.”</p><p>Freddie rolled his eyes and picked up his phone. “I don’t know. If it helps, Jim thinks you should grow a pair.”</p><p>“Are you live-texting my love problems to your boyfriend?!” Roger asked incredulously, finally giving up on his pacing and flopping down on the couch.</p><p>“I can’t handle your ramblings by myself. Not when I’m sober.”</p><p>Roger groaned in frustration. “Has he ever told you anything? <em> Anything?</em>”</p><p>“For the last time, Rog, if he did, I wouldn’t tell you. Why don’t you just ask him yourself?” </p><p>Roger scoffed. “Right, I’m gonna walk right up to Brian and say-”</p><p>“Say what?”</p><p>Roger jumped an inch when he heard Brian’s voice. He spun around to see the taller man smiling at him, curly hair wild and sleep-mussed. Adorably so. Dammit. “Oh! Morning, Brian.”</p><p>Brian raised an eyebrow at the nervous edge to Roger’s voice. “Morning. Is everything ok?”</p><p>“Yes! Yes, everything is fine.” Roger was speaking too quickly, but he didn’t know how to stop. His stomach flipped at the concerned look in Brian’s eyes. </p><p>Freddie cleared his throat. “Good morning, Brian dear. How did you sleep?”</p><p>Brian shifted his attention to the singer and shrugged. “Not bad.”</p><p>“Meaning?"</p><p>“I dunno, Fred. Five hours?”</p><p>Freddie shook his head. “That’s not enough.”</p><p>Brian chuckled. “You’ll be a wonderful mum to Jim’s kids one day.”</p><p>Roger snorted, and Brian glanced over at him and smiled. Roger’s stomach flipped again. Freddie frowned. “Darling, you need to rest more than that. You’ve been ill; you need to build strength-”</p><p>Brian cut him off by pulling him into a quick hug. Roger swallowed down a pang of jealousy, and immediately felt like an idiot. Brian hugged him all the time. Besides, Brian wasn’t into Freddie, and Freddie was with Jim. He needed to pull himself together. He berated himself internally when Brian’s warm smile at Freddie made him jealous yet again. What was he, a hormonal teenager?</p><p>“I’m alright. I’m better now.” Brian reassured.</p><p>Freddie wasn’t satisfied. “You’re not sleeping enough.”</p><p>“Well, it’s not for lack of trying.” Brian admitted, getting up for some tea. “Hey, Rog, was there something you wanted to tell me?”</p><p>Roger shot a panicked look at Freddie, but Freddie had returned his attention to his phone. Roger looked back over to Brian. “Oh, no, it’s nothing.”</p><p>“Are you sure?” Brian asked kindly, handing him a cup before even getting one for himself. God, why couldn’t he just be a jerk every once in a while? Maybe then Roger could get rid of this unbearable crush and act like a normal functioning adult for ten seconds. He tried to think of something about Brian he didn’t like, but couldn’t. He didn’t know why he bothered; he did this exercise nearly every day and always came up empty.</p><p>“Yeah, yeah. So, what are you up to today?” Wow. Smooth. Great small talk skills.</p><p>“Homework, mostly. I’ve got so much to catch up on.” Brian sighed, bringing the cup to his lips.</p><p>Roger frowned. “They should give you more time. You were in the hospital for weeks!” </p><p>Brian smiled softly. “I wish they’d have let me do homework there. I would have been a hell of a lot less bored. No one is making me do anything, though. I just can’t afford to lose this scholarship.”</p><p>Right, the scholarship. Because, of course, on top of being gorgeous, talented, and thoughtful, Brian was also fucking brilliant. What Roger wouldn’t give to just grab him right here and-</p><p>“Why are you looking at me like that?” </p><p>Roger blinked. Shit. “Uh… like what?”</p><p>Brian squinted. “Like you’re angry. Did I do something?”</p><p>“No! Of course not. I was just daydreaming, sorry.” Roger said quickly, and Brian relaxed.</p><p>“What about you? Doing anything today?”</p><p>Roger smiled to himself. Either Brian was humoring him or he was equally awkward at making light conversation, and Roger was happy with either possibility. “Oh, you know. Working the stall, selling Freddie’s clothes when he’s not looking.” </p><p>“I heard that!” Freddie protested.</p><p>Roger rolled his eyes. “I should hope so. You’re ten feet away!”</p><p>Brian laughed, and then gazed at Roger thoughtfully for a moment. “Rog?"</p><p>“Yeah?”</p><p>Brian hesitated, looking almost guilty. “Are we ok?”</p><p>Roger tilted his head in confusion. “What are you talking about?”</p><p>“I feel like you’ve been acting a little different around me since I came back home. Maybe I’m imagining things, but you seem… uncomfortable. I know it can be stressful being around sick people; I just hope I haven’t done anything.”</p><p>Roger’s eyes widened. Never in a million years did he imagine Brian would jump to that conclusion. Great, now his stupid feelings were making Brian self conscious. That was literally the last thing he wanted. “No, hell no. God, Bri, I wouldn’t avoid you just because you were sick!”</p><p>“I guess I just thought… I know you’re a bit of a hypochondriac.”</p><p>Roger shook his head. “I was way too worried about you to give a shit about anything else.”</p><p>Brian’s mouth parted slightly. “Really?”</p><p>“Of course! We’re fine, Bri, ‘course we are. I’m sorry if I’ve been weird; I didn’t mean to be.” Roger insisted.</p><p>Brian smiled. “Ok. Thanks. I figured I was reading too much into things; I tend to do that. I’m sorry you were worried, but I’m alright now.”</p><p>“You’d be better if you got eight to ten hours of sleep,” Freddie called from the couch. </p><p>Brian and Roger rolled their eyes in perfect sync. Right as Brian was about to respond, John walked through the front door looking disheveled. Freddie put his phone down and looked up.</p><p>“Did you spend the night at Ronnie’s again?”</p><p>John blushed. “Yeah. Sorry, I meant to call.”</p><p>Freddie smiled. “You can’t call us every time that happens. We can barely afford the phone bill as it is.”</p><p>“Oh, bugger off.” </p><p>Freddie chuckled and John took off his jacket to hang on the hook. Brian handed him a cup of tea and he smiled gratefully.</p><p>“Actually, uh… I have something I need to talk to you about.” </p><p>“What’s up, Deak?” Roger asked. </p><p>John fidgeted. “So, um, have I ever talked to you guys about who would be my best man?” </p><p>Freddie jumped up excitedly. “Of course it would be me, dear! Don’t be silly!” </p><p>“Hang on,” Roger protested. “I’ve known him longer!” </p><p>“We met him on the same day, dumbass!” </p><p>“Irrelevant!” </p><p>“Wait a minute, wait.” Brian jumped in. “Deaky, did you propose to Veronica?” </p><p>Roger and Freddie looked at each other sheepishly. Oops, maybe they should have asked that. John smiled shyly. “I’m going to.” </p><p>Brian jumped up and threw his arms around him. “Congratulations! That’s wonderful!” </p><p>Roger pushed aside a thought of how Brian might like to be proposed to in favor of pulling John into a hug of his own. “Well done, mate!” </p><p>Freddie forced all four of them into a hug next. Roger tried to ignore how good Brian smelled, and how his soft curls were tickling his face. </p><p>Freddie grinned. “Listen, dear, Roger will get over it. No hard feelings for anyone!” </p><p>Roger reached around and slapped him on the arm. John rolled his eyes. “I hope so, since I was planning to ask Brian.”</p><p>Brian’s eyes widened and Freddie sputtered indignantly before John continued, “But, then I realized you don’t only have to have one, right? There’s no rules. I’m gonna have three.” </p><p>Roger grinned. “Ok, but if I’m not one of the three I’m going to be so pissed!” </p><p>John laughed. “Is that a yes?” </p><p>“Yes!” </p><p>“I’d be honored.” Brian added, and Freddie nodded fiercely. </p><p>John smiled warmly. “Good. Some things are going to change, obviously, if she accepts. We’ve already discussed moving into her place at some point. Rog, Bri, you can finally have your own rooms.”</p><p>Brian’s expression was unreadable, and Roger desperately hoped he wasn’t showing his disappointment on his face. Freddie shot Roger a knowing look, but didn’t say anything. Brian broke the brief silence. </p><p>“I’m sure Roger will be happy to be rid of me!”</p><p>He was joking, obviously. </p><p>If he only knew.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>________</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>Roger was screwed.</p><p>He’d had it all planned out; he had an early class that day so it should be no problem to be out of the flat before Brian even woke up. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to see him, but he did want to give himself a fighting chance of actually paying attention to the professor. After his lectures were over and he was back home, he would give his mind full permission to wander wherever it wanted. To the same place it always wandered these days. To the man who was currently in the dining room reading. Dammit.</p><p>“Morning, Rog. You’re up early.” He smiled, setting down his book.</p><p>“Oh, yeah, thought I might get some studying done before I head out,” Roger lied, immediately feeling guilty. He didn’t know why it had to be this difficult; why his brain had him in such a panic all the time. It hadn’t always been like this; he’d always fancied Brian, but he’d been able to accept the fact that Brian probably didn’t feel the same way and still enjoy having him as a friend and bandmate. Something had happened, though. Roger didn’t know when or what it was, but at some point something changed and the feelings suddenly became impossible to ignore. It was all he could think about. And then, during the worst days of his life when the three of them actually came close to losing Brian, Roger fully realized that he couldn’t imagine ever feeling the same way about someone else. So, yeah, he was screwed.</p><p>“Well, don’t let me interrupt your studying! I’ll be quiet,” Brian said, reaching over to pick his book back up. “Or I can go in another room, if you want-”</p><p>“Have breakfast with me.” Roger said, surprising himself. His heart and his brain weren’t often in sync these days, and apparently the heart had control of his mouth at the moment.</p><p>“I thought you had to study?”</p><p>Roger shrugged. “I’ll study later.”</p><p>Brian chuckled. ”Alright, let’s have breakfast. What would you like?”</p><p>“No, Bri, you sit and relax. I’ve got it.”</p><p>Brian raised an eyebrow. “Are you sure that’s a good idea? I really don’t want to go back to the ER.”</p><p>Roger snorted. “Oh, shut up. I’ll make toast or something.”</p><p>“Thanks, Rog, but you really don’t have to-”</p><p>Roger didn’t let him finish. “Peanut butter and jelly toast, coming right up. By the way, why are <em> you </em> up so early? Aren’t you off today?”</p><p>Brian shrugged, smiling softly. “Couldn’t sleep.”</p><p>Roger frowned worriedly. “Are you ok?”</p><p>“Oh, yeah. I was like this already,” Brian said, quickly brushing it off to change the subject. “How have classes been?”</p><p>Roger decided not to dwell on Brian’s comment. Now wasn’t the time. “They’re fine. Pretty easy.”</p><p>Brian sipped his coffee. “Maybe you’re just really smart.”</p><p>“Well, yeah, that too.” Roger agreed, and Brian chuckled. “What about you? Happy to be back to school?”</p><p>Brian brightened. “Yes! I missed it so much. Although my classmates keep looking at me like I’ve literally come back from the dead.”</p><p>“It hasn’t been very long. They’ll loosen up.”</p><p>“I hope so.”</p><p>Roger smiled sympathetically. “I’m glad you’re home.”</p><p>Brian sighed contentedly, giving Roger a warm smile. “Me too.”</p><p>Roger turned around when the bread finally popped out of the toaster, cringing at the blackened slices and turning to Brian sheepishly. “You like it nice and burnt, right?”</p><p>“That’s how the French do it."</p><p>Roger squinted. “Really?</p><p>“No, I just don’t want you to be embarrassed by your epic toast failure,” Brian teased, grinning playfully. Roger really, <em> really </em> wanted to kiss the smug grin right off his face.</p><p>“Hey, you don’t bite the hand that makes you breakfast!”</p><p>Brian laughed. “You’re right. I’m sure it will be among the best things I’ve ever tasted in my life.”</p><p>Roger rolled his eyes and gave Brian his plate. </p><p>“Thank you.” Brian took a bite and did a pretty decent job of masking his reaction to the taste, but not enough that Roger couldn’t see right through him.</p><p>“You don’t have to eat it-”</p><p>“No, I’m going to eat it.” Brian insisted.</p><p>Roger laughed. “Alright, mate, suit yourself.” He dug into his own breakfast, grimacing openly at the bitter charred flavor. “Wow. This is shit.”</p><p>“It’s really not that bad.”</p><p>“Liar!” </p><p>Brian laughed. “Come on, what do you want from me?”</p><p>Roger forced himself to keep his face completely neutral. What a question. He wondered what Brian might say if he answered honestly; if it would ruin their relationship immediately, or if it would take some time before it got too uncomfortable for them to be around each other. Not to mention the band; they had something good going. Would Freddie and John resent him for the rest of their lives?</p><p>“Rog, are you ok?”</p><p>Roger brought his attention back to the present. Shit, how long had he just been sitting there? Brian’s eyes were so warm, practically sparkling in their grayish-green hue as he looked at Roger imploringly. Roger just stared into them, noticing that they suddenly looked even more concerned. It took him a moment to realize that he still hadn’t responded. </p><p>“Sorry, spaced out for a second.” He kept his voice casual, forcing a smile. </p><p>Brian still looked a bit worried. “It’s alright, no need to apologize. But if something’s bothering you, you can talk to me about it. Only if you want to, of course.”</p><p>Roger had to resist every instinct in his body telling him to take Brian up on that offer right then and there. Instead, he just smiled again. “Thanks, I appreciate that. Everything is fine! I better head to university,” He quickly added, not waiting to see Brian’s reaction before spinning around and leaving the room. He felt awful about it, but he wasn’t ready. Not yet, anyway. </p><p> </p><p>Maybe someday.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The hospital was cold. Harsh. Roger felt like he was losing his mind. Next to him, John sniffled softly, and Freddie looked distant and detached. None of them knew how to handle this. How could they? It was hell, the waiting. It was agonizing. </p><p>Roger wanted to feel relieved when he saw a doctor walking their way, but he couldn’t. Not with how solemn the doctor’s steps were; how hauntingly sad his eyes looked. Roger heard Freddie take a sharp breath behind him. He found himself shaking his head in denial before the doctor even spoke. </p><p>“There were some complications with the operation.” </p><p>Roger was going to throw up. This was not happening. This could not be happening. He dug his nails into his palms so hard that they started to bleed. The doctor sighed deeply. </p><p>“I’m so sorry. We did everything that we could, but your friend didn’t make it.”</p><p>Freddie burst into tears before he finished saying the words. John stared in shock, numbly shaking his head back and forth. Roger fell back into his chair. The doctor was still talking, but Roger wasn’t listening. What was the point? His world was ending. Nothing the doctor said would make any difference now. He felt himself trembling as someone grabbed his shoulders. He jerked out of their grip and started to stand up, but the hands grabbed his shoulders again, shaking him this time. Tears blurred his vision, voices blending together in his ears.</p><p>“Roger!” </p><p>He covered his face with his hands. </p><p>“Roger, please-“ </p><p>His life was over. This was it. How could he ever-</p><p>“<em>ROGER!!</em>”</p><p><br/>He woke up.</p><p>His eyes flew open, wide with terror, and he looked around in confusion, desperately gulping in air. There was a hand running through his hair and another still on his shoulder. Where was he? </p><p>“Hey, look at me.” </p><p>Roger followed the voice until his eyes connected with Brian’s hazel ones. Brian’s eyes, which were rich with concern and protectiveness. With life. Roger stared into them, dumbstruck. </p><p>“I’m here, Rog. What can I do?” Brian’s gaze searched his, desperately trying to find a way to help. </p><p>Roger forced himself to take several deep breaths and the world increasingly made more and more sense around him. He felt a couple tears roll down his cheek, and the hand continued to comb through his hair. Brian’s hand. Roger could have wept. He sucked in a breath, and without thinking blurted out, “You’re alive.”  </p><p>He swore he could actually see Brian’s heart breaking. Warm hands wiped the tears and sweat from his face. “Oh, Roger.”</p><p>Brian pulled him into a hug, and Roger buried his face in his hair, breathing him in, letting Brian’s presence ground him. It was a dream. It wasn’t real. He gripped the back of Brian’s shirt tightly.</p><p>Brian hummed softly in his ear and Roger tried to breathe to the rhythm. It helped, slowly but surely. He closed his eyes against the tears continuing to form, refusing to let go of Brian. Thankfully, it seemed Brian was in no hurry to let go of him either. Roger sighed shakily. “What time is it?” </p><p>Brian spoke quietly. “I’m not sure. My phone is on the bedside table.” </p><p>Roger winced. “Shit, did I wake you up?”</p><p>“Doesn’t matter.” </p><p>“Yes it does! How are you supposed to stay healthy if you never fucking sleep?!”</p><p>“Shh, Rog, please. Don’t worry about that right now, alright? Please just let me help you.”</p><p>Roger finally pulled away, and he could barely look into Brian’s eyes without bursting into tears again. Brian stroked his sweaty hair out of his face. It was so… tender. So intimate. Roger felt like he should back away, put some space between them, but he couldn’t. Brian didn’t seem inclined to move, either, so Roger gave himself permission to stay where he was. He was safe. Brian was safe. There was nothing to grieve over. </p><p>It was Brian who made the first move to hug again, a bit more calmly this time. “I’m sorry you had to go through that. I’d take anything over seeing my best friend suffer.” </p><p>Roger smiled despite himself. “I’m your best friend?”</p><p>“Don’t tell Freddie and Deaky. They each think it’s them.”</p><p>Roger let out a wet laugh. “I love you.”</p><p>Brian squeezed a little tighter. “I love you too.”</p><p>Roger didn’t know if Brian meant it the way he meant it, but in that moment it didn’t matter. It was true just the same. Brian de-tangled himself from Roger, pausing briefly to ruffle his hair. “I’m going to get you some water, ok? I’ll be right back.” </p><p>He was gone and back in a minute. What did he do, run? Roger fully sat up, grimacing as he realized just how much he’d sweat through his shirt. Brian pressed the cup into his hands and he drank. It did help, he had to admit. Brian sat down next to him and turned in the TV, flipping through channels until he found something satisfactory. “Ah, Golden Girls. The chicken noodle soup of television.” </p><p>Roger chuckled. “You don’t even eat chicken.” </p><p>“The soup’s for you, not me.” </p><p>Roger smiled as he finished the water. Brian returned his smile approvingly. “Do you want a change of clothes?” </p><p>Roger tried not to show embarrassment on his face. But Brian had already seen the state he was in, it wasn’t like he could hide it. “Are you trying to get me to take my shirt off?” </p><p>Roger had never wanted to punch himself in the face more. What the hell was wrong with him? Surely that crossed a line. He was immensely relieved when Brian simply smiled in response. He even seemed to have a teasing glint in his eye.</p><p>“Maybe. Is it working?” </p><p>Roger giggled. He couldn’t help it. “Yeah. I should change.” Before he could get up to walk to his wardrobe, Brian beat him to it. </p><p>“Hm. Avengers or Star Wars?” </p><p>Roger groaned internally. Why was he this embarrassed by Brian looking through his pajamas? Well, if he was going to go for the casual, flirty approach, he might as well commit. “I don’t know. Which is sexier?”</p><p>“They both have space, but Star Wars definitely has more space.” </p><p>“...So it’s sexier?”</p><p>“Is that not what I just said?”</p><p>Roger laughed and Brian tossed the pajamas over to him, subtly looking the other way to give him privacy to change, which Roger appreciated. After a minute Brian sat back down next to him. “Is this ok?” </p><p>Roger furrowed his eyebrows. “Is what ok?” </p><p>“I don’t want to be invasive. Do you need some room to breathe? Some peace and quiet?” Brian asked. </p><p>Roger felt a pit of dread in his stomach at the thought. “Don’t leave.” </p><p>“I won’t,” Brian quickly reassured, and Roger sighed in relief. He felt another rush of embarrassment, but if Brian thought Roger was being pathetic he was doing a very good job of hiding it. </p><p>“There’s nothing to be ashamed of, Rog.” Brian added. </p><p>Oh, god. Could Brian read his mind? There would be some serious problems if Brian could read his mind. “Thanks.” </p><p>“Do you want to talk about it?” </p><p>“I don’t know. I’ve never had a dream so intense.” </p><p>Brian smiled sympathetically. “I’m sorry. It’s awful.” </p><p>“I don’t want to go back to sleep,” Roger admitted, feeling more and more like a child in need of comfort. </p><p>“You don’t have to. You don’t work tomorrow, right? Just distract yourself tonight. Sleep during the day.” </p><p>“It was the surgery.” Roger said. </p><p>Brian seemed surprised by the sharp detour, but quickly recovered when he realized what Roger was referring to. “For the gangrene?”</p><p>“No, the ulcer. Damn, you were so fucked up even that didn’t narrow it down. How did you deal with all of it?” Roger asked in genuine wonder. </p><p>Brian laughed. “Not very well, I’d say, considering I gave myself an ulcer from the stress.”</p><p>“Hm. True.” </p><p>“Something went wrong with the surgery, then? In the dream?” </p><p>“Yeah. The doctor said there were complications, and that they did everything they could…” Roger trailed off. “God, it was so real.” </p><p>“I didn’t mean to startle you by shaking you awake. I just couldn’t stand seeing you like that.”</p><p>Roger smiled. “Trust me, I’m glad you woke me up. I just wish I hadn’t woken <em> you </em> up.” </p><p>“I don’t mind!”</p><p>Roger chuckled dryly. “I know you don’t. But you should.” </p><p>“Freddie? Is that you?”</p><p>“Oh, piss off.”</p><p>That was just about the only thing Roger could say he didn’t love about Brian; his apparent disinterest in looking after himself. But even that was endearing in his own way; how he always cared for everybody else and never wanted to burden anyone. It was infuriating, but endearing. Besides, he was trying. He’d said so himself. Roger couldn’t fault him for that. Honestly, if Brian saw himself the way Roger saw him, he would have such a big ego he wouldn’t be Brian anymore. Self conscious, shy, surprisingly stubborn and passionate Brian. </p><p>He gazed at Roger deeply, making him squirm. “I want to ask if you’re ok, but that seems… silly. Are you at least doing a bit better?”</p><p>“Yeah. Thanks.” Roger replied honestly. He still felt like he’d be flung into a full blown panic attack if Brian left the room for more than ten minutes, but he was definitely better than before. “As long as I never have that kind of dream about you ever again, I’ll be fine.” </p><p>Roger was a little surprised by how vulnerable he was being. But hey, what the hell… he was clearly in too deep anyway. The corner of Brian’s mouth curled into the tiniest smile. “Do you have other kinds of dreams about me?” </p><p>Roger could literally feel his face reddening as he tried to think of something reasonable to say in response. </p><p>“I’m kidding, Rog.” </p><p>“Oh.” </p><p>“I dreamt about you the other night.” Brian continued light-heartedly.</p><p>“Really?” </p><p>“Yeah. We all had to trade instruments right before a show without any warning. I was on drums and you were playing guitar, and Fred and Deaky switched as well. You were fine, honestly. The rest of us… not so much.” </p><p>Roger scoffed. “You say that as if I could play guitar the way you do.”</p><p>“You’re a wonderful guitarist,” Brian protested, and Roger rolled his eyes. </p><p>“And you’re one of the best fucking guitarists on earth!” </p><p>Brian laughed. “Right. Thanks, Roger. That’s sweet to say.” </p><p>He didn’t believe him, obviously. Roger didn’t think he would. Still, it was worth a shot. </p><p>Brian smiled a bit sadly. “I’m so sorry for worrying you. I hate seeing you stressed.” </p><p>“I’m sorry that any of this even happened to you.” </p><p>Brian’s eyebrows furrowed in bewilderment. “Why would you need to apologize for that?” </p><p>“Why would <em> you?</em>” Roger challenged.</p><p>Brian opened his mouth like he was going to respond, but after a moment closed it again, speechless. Roger smiled. Mission accomplished. </p><p>“Ha, I win!” </p><p>Brian laughed. “I don’t know how you still surprise me after all this time.” </p><p>“I haven’t become predictable yet?” </p><p>“Not at all. I can’t even begin to imagine what you’re thinking at any given moment.” </p><p>Roger smiled. “Oh, it’s a riot.” </p><p>Brian laughed. “I figured as much.” </p><p>Roger tried to keep his voice casual so Brian wouldn’t pick up on the fact that he’d already named their future kids. “You know, I’ve often wondered myself what it’s like inside that head of yours.”</p><p>Brian chuckled. “I wouldn’t wish it on you.” Roger frowned, and Brian backtracked, “Sorry... I’m doing better. Really. I’m good.”</p><p>“If you say so.”</p><p>“Hey, Rog?” </p><p>“Mm hm?” </p><p>“It would probably be smart to have a guest room, don’t you think? In case Deaks and Ronnie ever want to stay over. Or Jim. And when we don’t have guests, we could store things there. Your kit, all the cases, stuff like that. I dunno… with a three bedroom apartment it seems a shame not to have some extra space. Besides, which of us would move? And we’d have to move all of our things... quite a bit of hassle.” </p><p>A grin slowly spread across Roger’s face as Brian spoke. He sounded somewhat nervous, or maybe Roger was imagining things, but either way Brian didn’t want to change rooms. Roger was thrilled. “I suppose that would be smart, yeah. Good thinking.” </p><p>Brian smiled, looking relieved. Roger wasn’t imagining that; he was sure of it. Roger scooted a bit closer and Brian put his arm around him.</p><p>“Hey, Bri, I have a question.”</p><p>“What’s up?”</p><p>“Which Golden Girl am I?”</p><p>Brian thought about it. “My instinct is to say Blanche-“</p><p>“-Because I’m a slut?”</p><p>“What? No, because you’re the hot friend. Fred is more of a diva, though, so he’s probably Blanche if I’m being honest.” </p><p>Roger was glad the darkness of the room prevented Brian from seeing his blush at being called hot. “Well, we both know that Deaky is Sophia.”</p><p>“Obviously,” Brian agreed. </p><p>“I would say that you’re Rose because you’re sweet, but she’s quite a bit smarter than you.” Brian laughed before Roger continued, “Now that I think about it, you’re probably Dorothy. She’s the only one with any common sense.” </p><p>“And she’s tall.” </p><p>Roger chuckled. “True. I guess I’m Rose, then.” </p><p>“You’re the sweet one, anyway.” </p><p>Once again Roger found himself grateful that his blush probably wasn’t visible in this lighting. </p><p>“Thanks.” </p><p>Brian tilted his head to the side. “What for?”</p><p>“Helping me out with… all this.”</p><p>Brian smiled. “Anytime. I mean it.”</p><p>“And you know the same goes for you, right?”</p><p>Brian nodded. “I know. You’re a good friend, Roger.” </p><p>“A good hot friend?” </p><p>Brian laughed. “Yeah. Freddie is the funny one, you’re the hot one, and Deaky is the nice one.”</p><p>“...and you’re the smart one?” Roger supplied.</p><p>“I thought I was more the token sad one.”</p><p>Roger frowned. “You’re not sad!”</p><p>Brian smiled softly. “I’m glad you don’t think so.”</p><p>“Do you really think you give that impression?” Roger asked.</p><p>Brian hesitated. “I guess, yeah. The three of you are just so… bright. Lively.”</p><p>Roger shook his head. “I think you’d be amazed if you could see yourself through someone else.”</p><p>Brian looked genuinely touched. “That’s such a Roger thing so say. You’re definitely the sweet one.” </p><p>“You’re just as bright and lively as the rest of us, and I dare you to convince me otherwise!” Roger challenged, and Brian chuckled.</p><p>“Oh, no, I know better than to accept one of your dares. Freddie could have gotten rabies from that squirrel.” </p><p>Roger laughed. “You should go to sleep. You have class tomorrow.”</p><p>“But sleep deprivation is an integral part of the student experience!”</p><p>Roger frowned. “You don’t have to worry about me; I’m ok.”</p><p>“I’m glad to hear it, but I’d still prefer to stay up.”</p><p>“Bri-“</p><p>Brian squeezed his shoulder, smiling sadly. “I don’t want to sleep, Roger.” </p><p>Roger looked at him in confusion. “Why not?”</p><p>Brian didn’t answer for a moment, looking conflicted. Finally he admitted, “Honestly, my dreams tonight have been no picnic either. I’d much rather be awake.” </p><p>Roger felt a wave of concern. “Why didn’t you tell me? What’s wrong? Is something bothering you? God, Bri, I’ve been spending all this time talking about myself when-“ </p><p>“Rog,” Brian interrupted. “That’s why.” </p><p>“What?”</p><p>Brian sighed. “That’s why I didn’t say anything. You wouldn’t have let me focus on you at all. Besides, mine weren’t nearly as bad as yours.”</p><p>Roger scoffed. “It’s not a bloody competition!”</p><p>“Roger,” Brian said softly, “My problems aren’t the only ones that matter.”</p><p>“But they <em> do </em> matter,” Roger insisted. “If I wake you up then you should be able to wake me up to help you too!”</p><p>“That’s not a fair comparison. You didn’t wake me up on purpose,” Brian argued. </p><p>“But you’d have let me!”</p><p>“Yeah, of course I-“ He paused. “Ok. I see your point.” </p><p>Roger shook his head. “Is that why you can’t sleep? Because of nightmares?” </p><p>Brian shrugged. “Sometimes. Not always.” </p><p>“You should tell me, so I can help you!” </p><p>Brian nervously played with his hands. “I can’t.”</p><p>Roger squinted. “Why not?” </p><p>Brian sighed heavily. “If I tell you every bad dream I have, you’ll definitely start to think I’m the sad one.”</p><p>Roger felt a sinking feeling in his stomach. “That… sucks.”</p><p>“You do help me,” Brian added. “Just you being here helps me every time.” </p><p>“Really?” </p><p>Brian smiled. “Really, Rose.” </p><p>Roger laughed. “Please don’t make that a thing. It’s bad enough that Freddie calls me Liz.” </p><p>“Come on, you love it.”  </p><p>“Bri?”</p><p>“Yeah?”</p><p>Roger chose his words carefully. “I’m never going to think of you as the sad one. You’ve been through some shit, and you’re a nervous person by nature, but you’re so much more than that.” </p><p>Brian was speechless for a moment. “...Thank you. I appreciate that.” </p><p>Roger smiled, suddenly feeling rather bold. “Can you stay in the bed? Just for tonight?”</p><p>“Yeah, of course.”</p><p>Roger laid against him, putting his head on his shoulder. “Thank you.” </p><p>Brian laid his head on top of Roger’s and wrapped his arms around him. Roger could feel him relaxing into the mattress.</p><p>“Always, Rog. Always.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>What is it with me and nightmares?</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I'm sorry this chapter is so short, but the next one is coming soon! Thank you so much for reading!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“I’m in love with him.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Freddie chuckled. “I know, dear. I knew before you did.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Freddie, I’m serious.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He smiled. “I didn’t think you were joking. You have to tell him.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can’t!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why the hell not?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Roger balled up his fists, bursting with nervous energy. “He’ll never look at me the same way again.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe he won’t. Maybe he’ll look at you in a new way, for instance the way you look at someone you have frequent hot sex with.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I swear to God, Fred-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Roger,” Freddie interrupted. “I can’t tell you what to do. But someday you’re going to regret not telling him how you feel. I’m sure of it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Roger sighed heavily. “I just… what if he can’t be around me anymore? What if it ruins our friendship?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Freddie smiled and patted his shoulder good-naturedly. “He loves you far too much for that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I had the worst dream of my life last night.” Roger suddenly confessed, and Freddie’s expression changed to concern.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you alright?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I’m fine. Brian helped me through it. I can’t lose him, Fred. Not for anything.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Darling, you won’t.” Freddie soothed. Roger wanted to believe him, he really did. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He felt a vibration in his jeans pocket and pulled out his phone to see a text from Brian. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“Hey.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Roger smiled and quickly typed out his reply. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“Hey. How’s class?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Long.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Roger grinned. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“Just the way you like it!”</span>
  </em>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Roger tapped his fingers on the table as he impatiently waited for Brian’s reply.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“How are you feeling?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I’m fine now, Bri, you can stop worrying about me.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“You first!”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Freddie’s exasperated voice cut off Roger’s typing. “Are you really sexting at ten o’clock in the morning?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Roger ignored him and returned his attention to the phone. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“Since when do you text during class?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I’m rebellious now. I even turned in my homework late this morning.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Really?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“No. I was an hour early.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Wow. Scandalous. Maybe that’ll even out the whole talking during lecture thing.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I’m not. We’re on a ten minute break.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Roger rolled his eyes at the screen and Freddie let out a dramatic sigh. “How hard is it, Rog? Just type, ‘Dearest Brian, oh how my heart longs for you. You inspire passion in the deepest recesses of my soul, and more importantly my loins.’”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Roger threw a pancake at him, not even waiting to see his reaction because his phone vibrated again.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Still there?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Yeah, sorry. I had to throw food at Freddie’s face.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I sincerely can’t tell if you’re joking.” </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“It’s better this way.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Roger liked imagining how Brian might respond to his messages; which of Brian’s specific types of smiles he might be causing.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Well, I better head back in. Go to sleep.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Roger smiled softly, biting his lip. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“Have fun. See you later.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Freddie looked like he was trying to be annoyed, but couldn’t stop smiling. “You’re so damn adorable.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Roger threw another pancake at him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>_________</span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“I still can’t believe you willingly went back to school. What kind of sadist finishes their degree and thinks to themselves, ‘You know what would be fun? More degrees!’”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Brian laughed. “The way this homework is going, I can’t help but agree with you.” He rubbed his eyes and Roger felt a pang of sympathy.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is it that hard?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not really. I just can’t shake this headache.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Roger tried to swallow down his worry, knowing how much Brian hated being fussed over. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you still getting those a lot?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Brian shrugged. “Just need more sleep, probably.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, so </span>
  <em>
    <span>now</span>
  </em>
  <span> you admit it!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Brian laughed. “Speaking of, I’m feeling a bit bad about last night.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Roger could not for the life of him think of what Brian could possibly be referring to. “What? Why?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s selfish for me to try to convince you to stay in the room with me. I know that. You just calm me down, I guess. I sleep better when you’re there… I like when you’re around. But that’s not a good enough reason for you to give up on having some space for yourself. I can move to the other room if you want; it’s not a big deal.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Roger shook his head in astonishment. “No thanks. I really want a guest room.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Brian laughed. “Rog-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You didn’t convince me of jack shit, Brian. I thought I was going to be the one convincing you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wait, really? I don’t bother you?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Quite the opposite, actually. I like when you’re around too, you idiot.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Brian blushed, which in turn made Roger blush, and Roger started speaking before he could think too hard and change his mind. “Listen, Bri, I have to tell you something-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was interrupted by the door slamming open to reveal a terrified looking John. Brian jumped up worriedly, Roger quickly following. “Deaky, what happened? You’re white as a sheet!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>John stared up at him. “Oh, god, Brian, I’m not ready for this…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Brian smiled softly and gently led him to the couch. “It’s alright to be nervous! It’s a big deal. I’m sure everyone feels-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not that.” John interrupted. Brian shot Roger a puzzled frown before turning back to John. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What, then?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>John took a deep breath and looked up at the other two, who were still staring at him with concern and confusion.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ronnie’s pregnant.”</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Roger stared in shock and Brian’s jaw dropped.</p><p>“Oh my god.”</p><p>John looked like he was going to be sick. “I don’t know how it happened… I can’t do this!” </p><p>Brian dropped a comforting hand on his shoulder. “Come on, of course you can! The two of you have always talked about having kids.” </p><p>“Not when I’m bloody nineteen years old! Oh my god, how do I tell my parents? I’ll have to drop out of school. Oh, god…”</p><p>“Deaky,” Brian soothed, “Everything will be ok. I promise. You’re keeping the baby, then? She wants to raise this kid with you?” John nodded, and Brian smiled. “You already planned to be with her forever, right? And you wanted to have children with her from the start. Obviously it’s a bit soon and unexpected, but that’s ok! You’re going to build a family, Deaky, imagine it!” </p><p>John’s breathing started to slow down and Roger sat down next to him and rubbed his shoulder. “He’s right. And your parents will be fine. It’s your life, anyways, not theirs, but I’m sure they’ll be thrilled. Surprised, sure, but thrilled.”</p><p>Brian nodded in agreement. “You don’t have to drop out. People with kids go to school all the time. But, if you do decide to leave, you can always go back. That decision isn’t permanent.” </p><p>John took a deep breath. “Right. Right, yeah. We’re ok with money, too… Veronica has a good job. Good benefits. If I’m home a lot with the baby it should still be fine.”</p><p>Roger smiled. “See! There you go. You’re a lot more prepared than a lot of people would be.”</p><p>“But what about the band?” </p><p>Roger shrugged. “If you have to take some paternity leave, I’m sure all thirty of our fans will understand.”</p><p>Brian and John both laughed at that, and John’s expression began to relax a bit.</p><p>“Is Freddie at the stall?”</p><p>Roger checked the time on his phone. “For a few more hours. I recommend you go talk to him immediately, and maybe leave out the part where you told us first.”</p><p>“That’s not fair! You two were already here!” John protested. </p><p>Brian laughed. “Are you ok? Do you want us to come with you?” </p><p>“No, I’m fine. I won’t be long. Thanks, both of you. Oh, lord, Freddie probably already has names picked out...”</p><p>John ran out the door, leaving Brian and Roger staring after him.</p><p> </p><p>Roger let out a low whistle. “Damn.” </p><p>Brian smiled, still looking stunned. “Damn!”</p><p>“Things really are going to change around here, huh?” </p><p>Brian hummed thoughtfully. “I suppose they are. Some things won’t, though.” He smiled warmly at Roger, whose legs were suddenly made of jello. God, he was pretty. </p><p>Brian winced and squeezed his eyes shut in pain, instantly causing Roger’s stomach to churn nervously. </p><p>“What’s wrong? Your head?”</p><p>Brian brought his hands to his temples, eyes still closed. “It’s getting worse.” </p><p>“Should I call the doctor?” </p><p>“No. It’s nothing, Rog, just a headache.”</p><p>Roger frowned. “You’re pale.” </p><p>“I’m always pale.” </p><p>Roger rolled his eyes. “You’re more pale than usual.” </p><p>Brian finally opened his eyes. “Maybe I should sleep.” </p><p>“No arguments from me! Do you want to go upstairs or stay here?” </p><p>Brian winced again, glancing at Roger apologetically. “I think I should stay here. I’m… a bit dizzy...” </p><p>Roger’s stomach fluttered with nerves. “Tell me if you need anything? Please?” </p><p>Brian nodded and laid down on the couch, curling in on himself and barely reacting when Roger laid a blanket over him. Roger stood up to close the blinds and sat back down, careful not to jostle his friend.</p><p>“Thanks, Rog.” Brian said, sounding nearly asleep already.</p><p>Roger was careful to keep his voice down. “Get some rest.” </p><p>Brian smiled softly and his breathing settled into a deep, slow rhythm. Roger stared at his sleeping form, his own muscles tense and mind spinning with anxiety. Brian wasn’t fully healed yet. They all knew that. He couldn’t possibly recover that fast; not after several bouts of serious, life-threatening illness and multiple surgeries. He would be fine. That was the important thing. At Brian’s last appointment the doctor had even said that he was doing better than they expected. Still, Roger had never prided himself in being particularly patient, and every time Brian displayed symptoms of any kind the other three were thrown back to the memories of when it all started and they had no idea what the hell was wrong with him. Back when he wasn’t ok, no matter how much he insisted that he was. It was then when Roger fully realized how much he needed Brian; in those moments when he was forced to face a real possibility of losing him.</p><p>But he was ok now. He would be ok. None of these things were setbacks or warning signs. They were just a part of the process. A part of healing, and he <em> was </em> healing. </p><p>Roger pulled his phone from his pocket and shot a quick text to John.</p><p>
  <em> “Can you be quiet coming back in? Bri isn’t feeling well.”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Is he ok? What’s wrong?”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “He said it was a bad headache. He’s asleep now.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “I’ll be quiet. Thanks for the warning.”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Hey, Deak?”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “...yes?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “You’ll be a wonderful dad.”  </em>
</p><p>Roger smiled at the collection of heart emojis John sent him in response. For such a sarcastic bastard, he was a real sweetheart. </p><p>
  <em> “I’ll give you exactly one guess of what Fred thinks we should name the baby.”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Could it be… Freddie?”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Your levels of genius are unmatched. I think I’ll just stay at the stall for a bit. Freddie is calming me down, surprisingly enough. Maybe he can distract me until Ronnie gets back from work and you and Brian can have a quiet place to yourselves for a while.” </em>
</p><p>Roger knew full well John did not intend any innuendo by that and was only referring to Brian being asleep, but still his cheeks flushed at the words on the screen. </p><p> </p><p>Roger wasn’t sure how much time passed before Brian began to stir, but he was pretty confident it hadn’t been nearly long enough for him to have gotten any sufficient sleep. He sighed when Brian slowly sat up, groggily rubbing his eyes.</p><p>“I thought I told you to get some rest.”</p><p>“Wow, so demanding.”</p><p>Roger chuckled. “Have you always been this bad at sleeping?”</p><p>Brian shrugged and pushed his hair out of his face. “Not always. The average infant sleeps for sixteen hours a day.”</p><p>Roger wanted to laugh, to brush it aside, but he began to feel frustrated. It was unfair, all of it; how much Brian had suffered, and how he thought he couldn’t talk about it. Roger set his jaw. “I know what you’re doing, you know.”</p><p>Brian furrowed his eyebrows. “What do you mean?”</p><p>Roger exhaled in exasperation. “Making jokes to distract me from the fact that you feel like shit. I’m not an idiot.” Roger regretted the last part when Brian immediately got a guilty and slightly defensive look in his eyes.</p><p>“I never thought-”</p><p>“That’s what you’re doing, though, isn’t it? Trying to protect me? I’m not a child, Brian, don’t treat me like one!”</p><p>Brian frowned, eyes still flashing defensively. “Did it ever occur to you that maybe I make jokes to distract <em> me </em> from the fact that I feel like shit?”</p><p>Roger blinked in surprise, both because that actually hadn’t occurred to him but also because Brian usually never admitted that he’d been feeling bad. When Roger took too long to respond, Brian’s eyes softened.</p><p>“I’m sorry, Rog. I don’t want to argue with you. I suppose you’re right; it’s probably a combination of both. I never meant to treat you like a child and I would never, ever think you’re an idiot.”</p><p>“I’ve never heard you say that.”</p><p>“...what?”</p><p>Roger took a deep breath. “You’ve never once admitted to me how bad you actually felt.”</p><p>Now it was Brian’s turn to look surprised. “I… huh. Is that why you’re pissed at me?”</p><p>Roger rolled his eyes. “Yes! How would you like it if I never told you when something is wrong?”</p><p>“I’m fine, Roger-“</p><p>“You know I don’t actually believe you when you say that, right?”</p><p>Hurt flashed across Brian’s face, making Roger feel a bit nauseous. </p><p>“You don’t trust me?”</p><p>Roger felt a pang of sadness at the pain in Brian’s voice. It was all wrong; Roger hated it. “I trust you with everything else. I trust you with my life. But I don’t trust you to tell me how you’re really doing.”</p><p>Brian stared at Roger silently, expression deeply sad now. Not angry, not confused, just sad. Roger fidgeted uncomfortably, avoiding eye contact. </p><p>“I think I’m going to go upstairs for a little while,” Brian finally said, quietly and cautiously.</p><p>Roger’s eyes shot up. “Do you have to?”</p><p>“...You don’t want me to leave?”</p><p>Roger stared at him incredulously. “Why would I?”</p><p>“God, Rog, because you’re giving me those big sad puppy eyes and I feel like the world’s biggest asshole!”</p><p>Roger buried him in a bear hug and Brian yelped in surprise before returning the embrace. Roger sighed. “I’m not angry with you. I just wish you knew how wonderful you are. How much you’re really worth.”</p><p>Brian took a deep breath. “Wow… thank you. I can’t help but think you deserve better than this.”</p><p>“That’s because you’re stupid.” </p><p>Brian laughed. “You’re giving me mixed messages, Rog.”</p><p>Roger pulled away for a moment. “I’m dead serious. You deserve everything you want.”</p><p>Brian looked at him with a combination of skepticism and gratitude. “I really don’t understand how you can think that, but I believe that you do. Thank you.” Roger squeezed him a little tighter, and Brian laughed softly. “I can’t believe no one has snatched you up yet. You’re amazing.”</p><p>Roger’s stomach fluttered wildly. The irony made him want to scream. “Well, jeez, Bri. Tell me how you really feel.”</p><p>He was joking, but Brian tensed. Roger finally backed away and looked him in the eyes.</p><p>“I’m kidding, I didn’t mean-”</p><p>“I’m sorry, Roger. Really, I am. I’m trying to be more open. It’s hard for me to talk about these things, but I’m going to do it, and I’m sorry.”</p><p>Guilt bubbled up in Roger’s stomach yet again. Here he was giving Brian such a hard time about not being honest about how he felt when he was doing the exact same thing! For different reasons, sure, but he was still hiding his feelings from Brian every single day. He wanted to tell him. Desperately. But he was terrified, and he didn’t know how to stop being terrified.</p><p>“You don’t have to apologize for anything, Bri. It’s ok. We all have our secrets. Sometimes I steal your shampoo.”</p><p>Brian laughed. “That’s not a secret. You confess that to me every time you get slightly tipsy.”</p><p>Roger was honestly astonished that he’d never confessed anything stronger while drunk, but maybe there was some sort of divine intervention stopping him from making a fool of himself.</p><p>“You know, I admire you a lot. How honest you are. You’re just so… Roger.” Brian continued, sinking Roger deeper and deeper into his pit of guilt. </p><p>“I dunno about that…”</p><p>“No, really!” Brian insisted. “I’ve never met someone so genuine. It’s a great thing.”</p><p>“I like you,” Roger blurted out before he could stop himself.</p><p>Brian chuckled. “Yeah, Rog, I like you too.”</p><p>Roger steeled himself. He was going to do this. He’d come too far and he was not going to back down this time. “Brian, I’m going to tell you something and you have to promise not to say anything until I’m finished, ok?”</p><p>Brian looked completely bewildered. “Alright, go ahead.”</p><p>Roger swallowed down his panic as much as he could and stared at his hands. “I like you, Brian. Not the way you like friends. I mean, of course I like you as a friend but… you know what I mean. I like you more than that, ok? I’ve never told you because I’m scared out of my mind that it’ll ruin what we have, but you deserve to know the truth. Just know I could never be upset at you for not feeling the same way. I’ll get over it, over time, I’m sure I will. I hope to God this doesn’t make you too uncomfortable to be around me, but I want to be the person you deserve, you know? God, I sound like I’m in one of those sappy romance movies- Oh, fuck, did I really just say all of that? Shit.”</p><p>Roger finally closed his mouth, convinced he was about to puke on the floor. Oh, god… oh, god, what had he done?</p><p>“Can I talk now?”</p><p>Roger looked up and locked eyes with Brian, whose expression could only be described as pure shock. Roger nodded, not trusting his voice. </p><p>“You were right. I am stupid.”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>Brian laughed, looking absolutely floored. “Roger, I fell for you on day one! I never thought for a second you might feel the same. I can’t believe this.”</p><p>Roger’s jaw dropped. “You’re attracted to me?”</p><p>“Well, yeah. I’m not <em> that </em> stupid.”</p><p>“You’re fucking with me.”</p><p>Brian laughed again, still looking astonished. “I’m not. This is…. Oh my god.”</p><p>Roger’s heart was racing out of his chest. “What are you saying? I swear I’m not just after a hookup. I want something real.” </p><p>Brian gazed at him thoughtfully. Roger was dreaming. He had to be.  </p><p>“Would it be alright if I kissed you?”</p><p>Yup. Definitely dreaming. This could not possibly be real life. </p><p>“At least buy me dinner first.”</p><p>Brian chuckled in surprise. “Ok, I will.”</p><p>Roger shook his head in disbelief. ”For God’s sake, you fucking moron, I’m kidding. I swear-”</p><p>Roger more or less pounced on him, as much as he could without hurting him. Brian’s hands immediately went to his lower back as he returned the kiss passionately, both of them desperately moving like they thought they might wake up at any moment. Roger’s hands were tangled up in Brian’s curls, and both of them had squeezed their eyes shut. It was so sensationally new and yet oddly familiar, as if they’d done it a hundred times, and Roger never wanted it to end; convinced it would stop being real the second he let go.</p><p>He did let go, eventually, but kept his eyes on Brian’s. Brian let out a long breath.</p><p>“Wow.”</p><p>Roger laughed. “Yeah.”</p><p>“So… now what?”</p><p>Roger gave him a huge smile. “Brian, do you want to go out with me?”</p><p>Brian pretended to think about it. “Hm. That’s a tough one.”</p><p>Roger giggled. “No pressure, but I’m very emotional right now and I might cry if you say no.”</p><p>Brian laughed, brushing Roger’s hair out of his face. “I guess I better say yes, then. Oh, shoot, I owe Deaky twenty pounds.”</p><p>“He knew?!” </p><p>“Look, there’s a reason I don’t drink much!”</p><p>“Because you have a shitty liver?”</p><p>“...there’s two reasons I don’t drink much.”</p><p>Roger laughed. “Just as well. Freddie has known for a while too.”</p><p>Brian shook his head. “Those bastards.”</p><p>Roger shifted his voice to become more serious. “Hey, are you feeling ok?”</p><p>Brian smiled. “Still tired. I think my head is a little better, though.”</p><p>Roger believed him this time. “Good. You should sleep.”</p><p>Brian pouted. “How am I supposed to do that when I know you’re right here being all perfect and looking like that?”</p><p>Roger laughed. “Shut up and lay down.” Brian obeyed, and Roger snuggled up behind him, closing his eyes. “Brian?”</p><p>“Mm hmm?”</p><p>“I love you.”</p><p>Brian hummed contentedly. “I love you too.”</p><p>“That’s gay.”</p><p>“Fuck off.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>They must have been asleep for a couple hours, because Roger woke up to the sound of the front door opening. He gently got off of the couch, careful not to wake Brian, and walked over to the door to greet Freddie and John. </p><p>They both looked over at Brian worriedly, and it was Freddie who spoke first. “Are you sure he’s alright?”</p><p>“He’s fine. Just tired.”</p><p>“As long as you’re sure.”</p><p>Roger smiled. “What about you, Deaky?” </p><p>“We told Ronnie’s parents.” John replied. </p><p>“You brought Freddie with you to tell your girlfriend’s parents that you knocked up their daughter?” Roger asked incredulously, and John rolled his eyes. </p><p>“Me and Veronica, Roger. Not me and Freddie.” </p><p>“Right, that makes more sense. How did it go?” </p><p>“It was… actually pretty ok.” </p><p>Roger smiled. “Great! By the way, Brian owes you twenty quid. Put that toward the kid’s college fund.” </p><p>John’s eyes widened once he realized what Roger was saying. “You’re kidding. Finally!” </p><p>Freddie frowned in confusion. “Wait, what? What’s going on?” </p><p>Roger grinned. “We kissed.”</p><p>Freddie gasped so loudly that Brian jolted awake across the room. Roger shot Freddie a dirty look and he cringed. </p><p>“I’m so sorry, dear! I didn’t mean to wake you!”</p><p>Brian looked around, perplexed. “It’s alright. Is something wrong?” </p><p>Freddie smiled widely. “On the contrary! All is finally right with the universe!” </p><p>Brian looked at Roger questioningly, and Roger chuckled. “I told them what happened.” </p><p>Brian smiled shyly, a slight reddish tint to his cheeks. “Ah.” </p><p>“Darlings, this is the most wonderful news I’ve heard since I learned that our very own Deaky created a miracle of life!”</p><p>John squinted at him. “That was like… three hours ago.”</p><p>“I know! What a wonderful day this is.” </p><p>Brian chuckled softly. “It’s a good day. How are you doing, Deak?” </p><p>“Better. I’m only freaking out about once every ten minutes now.” </p><p>Brian laughed. “Well, that’s progress.” </p><p>“What about you?”</p><p>Brian glanced at Roger before responding, “I’m not feeling very well, to be honest.” </p><p>Roger felt a rush of fondness and John smiled sympathetically. “Rog told me your head is hurting.”</p><p>“I’m mostly just exhausted, I think.” </p><p>“Yeah, no shit, Sherlock!” Freddie retorted and Brian laughed in surprise. “Where’s all of your normal ‘I’m fine’ crap? Did Roger kiss some sense into you?”</p><p>“Actually, he appealed to logic and reason.” Brian replied, smiling in amusement at the look on Freddie’s face. </p><p>“This is no time for jokes!”</p><p>Roger elbowed him in the ribs and he laughed. “Ooh, now that you two are passionate lovers, we can convert John’s old room into a cat room!” </p><p>“The hell is a cat room?” Roger asked, pointedly ignoring the passionate lovers comment. </p><p>“It’s a room for the cats, genius.” </p><p>Roger rolled his eyes. “Of course. My mistake.”</p><p>“Speaking of John,” Brian began, “Are you still going to propose?” </p><p>“Oh, I did.” </p><p>“What? Were you ever going to tell us?!” Roger demanded. </p><p>“Sorry. Got kinda distracted by the whole pregnancy thing. It wasn’t quite the proposal I had been imagining.” </p><p>Roger laughed. “She said yes, right?” John chuckled and nodded. </p><p>Freddie sighed dreamily. “I wonder how Jim will propose.” </p><p>Roger shrugged. “Maybe he’ll carve ‘will you marry me’ into a potato and roll it in your general direction.”</p><p>“I’m almost certain that’s racist.”</p><p>“What, me saying it or him doing it?”</p><p>Freddie rolled his eyes. “You’re a real piece of work.” </p><p>“Oh, come on! He always makes jokes about how much you love tea! What’s the difference?” </p><p>“Actually,” Brian chimed in, “Irish people drink a lot more tea per capita than Brits do.”</p><p>Roger stared at him. “Why the hell do you know that? Are they teaching you national tea statistics at space school?” </p><p>“Yes, that’s our next unit exam. I’m going to nail it.” </p><p>Freddie grinned wickedly. “I bet I know what else you’re going to nail.” </p><p>Brian blushed furiously and Roger smacked Freddie on the arm. “What the hell is wrong with you? Are you drunk or something?”</p><p>“Drunk on happiness!” He exclaimed. </p><p>John laughed. “They’re giving cocktails the weirdest names these days.”</p><p>“Ah, but no more cocktails for you, Johnny Boy! Not safe for the baby!” Freddie added. </p><p>John looked like he couldn’t quite decide if he was joking. “Rog, you’re a biology major. I need you to explain some things to Fred real quick.”</p><p>“That’s way above my pay grade.”</p><p>Brian chuckled, suddenly looking even more exhausted and leaning back on the couch. “I think I might head upstairs and sleep a bit more.”</p><p>Freddie’s eyes immediately became serious again. “Of course, dear, go ahead! I’ll run and do some grocery shopping, but I won’t be long. Let’s have dinner together when I get back, if you’re up for it!”</p><p>Brian smiled. “That sounds great. Go ahead and wake me up before then; I’ll help with the food.”</p><p>Freddie rolled his eyes. “No, you absolutely will not.”</p><p>“Fred-”</p><p>“Go to bed, young man!”</p><p>Brian laughed, holding his hands up in surrender, and made his way toward the stairs, squeezing Roger’s shoulder as he walked past. </p><p>Freddie let out a deep sigh after watching him go. “Alright, I’ll be back soon. Don’t let him do any work, or I’ll sic Delilah on you!”</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>________</b>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>When Roger went upstairs to wake Brian for dinner, he found him curled up in bed with his head in his hands and his eyes squeezed shut. Roger was immediately overcome with panic and switched on the light, running over to him. </p><p>”Hey, hey, what’s wrong?”</p><p>He opened his eyes, flinching violently and quickly slamming them back shut with a whimper. The queasy feeling in Roger’s stomach intensified. </p><p>“Bri?”</p><p>He still didn’t respond, just pressed his hands harder against his eyelids.</p><p>“Please say something, Brian, you’re scaring me.”</p><p>He grimaced, visibly struggling to make himself talk. “Lights,” He finally croaked out, and Roger quickly turned off the switch and returned to his side. He gently ran his hands all over Brian’s trembling form, desperately trying to figure out what was wrong with him. </p><p>“If you can’t tell me what’s going on I’ll need to call an ambulance,” Roger said, voice shaking. He felt a cold pit of dread in his stomach when a few tears leaked out of Brian’s still-closed eyes.</p><p>“My head, Rog, I can’t…” He hissed in pain and reached out blindly for comfort. Roger grabbed his hand and squeezed, near tears himself. </p><p>“Do you need a hospital?”</p><p>Brian let out a pained groan, breathing shallowly. “No. Migraine.”</p><p>Roger took a relieved breath. Ok, that made sense. That wasn’t dangerous; that was manageable. “Alright, I’m going to get John to bring you some medicine.”</p><p>A few more tears rolled down Brian’s cheek and he pulled his hand out of Roger’s to press it to his temple. Roger gently put a hand on his forehead to check for fever, but thankfully he was nice and cool. Brian took in a sharp breath at the sensation, tiredly mumbling, “Feels good."</p><p>Roger kept one hand on Brian’s head and used the other to pull his phone out of his pocket and text John. </p><p>
  <em> “I need you to bring some stuff to me and Bri’s room but you have to be completely quiet and keep the light turned off, ok?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “What? What’s going on?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “He has an awful migraine. Could you bring some of his pain meds and a cool cloth? Maybe a glass of water?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Yeah, of course.”  </em>
</p><p>Roger set his phone down and returned his attention to Brian. He stayed kneeling on the floor, keeping his left hand where it was and using his right to gently cup the side of Brian’s face.</p><p>He kept his voice at a low whisper. “Deaky is bringing you some medicine, ok? You’ll feel better soon.”</p><p>His eyes fluttered under their lids, but he didn’t open them. “Stay?” He asked, voice small and unsteady. </p><p>Roger’s heart broke. He leaned in closer and stroked Brian’s cheek with his thumb, whispering, “I’m not going anywhere.” </p><p>Brian smiled softly and took a shaky breath. “Thanks.”</p><p>Roger kept gently caressing him until John slowly opened the door and entered as quietly as he could. He took one look at Brian and frowned with concern, wasting no time in walking over and pressing the cool cloth to his head. Brian jumped at the contact, but began to relax a bit when Roger continued softly whispering to him. </p><p>John nudged Roger and gestured to the pills in his hand. Roger turned back to Brian. “Bri? Can you open your eyes?” He moaned, and Roger sighed sympathetically. “Brimi, you have to take this medicine if you’re going to feel better. Please?”</p><p>Brian blinked his eyes open painfully, unable to hold back a whimper. </p><p>“I’m so sorry, Bri, but you’re going to need to sit up.”</p><p>He blinked rapidly, as though trying to hold back tears.</p><p>“Hey, you can cry, it’s ok.”</p><p>He took another shuddering breath and spoke so quietly that Roger could barely hear him. “Don’t want you to worry... I’m alright...”</p><p>“I know, but you’re hurting. You don’t have to hide it.” Roger soothed, smiling comfortingly at him. Brian hesitantly began to push himself up, the pain of the movement written all over his face. He let out a soft sob when Roger helped him raise fully into a seated position. “Sorry, Brimi, I’m sorry-"</p><p>He reached out and squeezed Roger’s hand instead of speaking. John scooted closer and handed him the pills and the water, not fully letting go until he was sure Brian wasn’t going to drop them. “Here, this’ll help.”</p><p>He managed to swallow the pills and take a few sips of water before John took the glass from him and set it on the bedside table. Roger rubbed his back. “Time to lay back down, yeah?”</p><p>Brian nodded slightly, closing his eyes again. Roger slowly, softly settled him back in his pillow and returned the cloth to his forehead, and then turned to John. “Could you call his doctor, just in case? The number is-“</p><p>“I know it,” John jumped in, standing and starting to walk toward the door.</p><p>“Deak,” Brian started, but John didn’t let him finish. </p><p>“You don’t have to talk, Bri, not if it hurts. You can thank me later, ok?” </p><p>Brian smiled, but kept his eyes closed, and John slipped out the door. Roger held the washcloth to his forehead, rubbing his arm and humming so softly it was hardly audible. The meds were clearly working, because Roger could tell he was already starting to fall asleep. He got another text from John and made sure the light of the screen was facing away from Brian before he opened it. </p><p>
  <em> “Doc says it’s normal; expected even. He doesn’t think it’s a problem.”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Ok. Thanks for checking.”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “He did say that Brian is probably pushing himself too much, though. Especially with school.” </em>
</p><p>Roger winced. He’d been thinking the same thing, but he knew Brian would be devastated if he had to stop his studies.</p><p>
  <em> “I’m sure he is, but there’ll be no talking him out of it. We both know that.”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Yeah. He’s the worst.”  </em>
</p><p>Roger bit his lip to keep from laughing.<em> “Hey, I dunno when Freddie will be home but could you explain when he does?” </em></p><p>
  <em> “He just got here, and I did. He’s worried.” </em>
</p><p>Roger sighed, glancing at Brian and wishing for the millionth time that he could take all of this away from him. <em> “I really do think he’s fine, it’s just going to suck for a while.” </em></p><p>
  <em> “I agree. You know how Freddie gets with him.”  </em>
</p><p>Roger smiled to himself. The singer had always been protective of all of them, but seemed to worry about Brian quite a bit more than the others. Probably because Brian suffered so quietly; never asked for anything. Freddie probably felt responsible, like he should be able to tell when something is wrong. He put a lot of pressure on himself in that way. </p><p><em> “We’ll be fine. All of us.” </em>Roger typed, feeling a rush of fondness for their little group.</p><p>
  <em> “We always are! Are you staying in there?”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Yeah. I told him I wouldn’t leave.”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Ok. I’ll save a plate for you.”  </em>
</p><p>Roger smiled. He looked over at Brian again, who seemed to have nodded off. He looked peaceful. Brian wouldn’t like that Roger put off eating dinner just so he wouldn’t be alone when he slept; Roger knew that. But still, Roger gently pulled the covers over him and leaned back against the bed, determined to stay exactly where he was.</p><p> </p><p>Brian would just have to deal with it.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Sorry for the angst :( They're all ok, I promise!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Fair warning, this chapter contains a lot of tooth-rotting fluff! This is sort of the final chapter, but there's also an epilogue coming.</p><p>Thank you so much for reading. Your feedback means so much to me! I love writing these boys.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>As it happened, Roger didn’t have to wait long after all, because Brian wasn’t even asleep for an hour. In that time Roger had graduated from sitting beside the bed to snuggling all the way up to Brian’s chest and nearly falling asleep himself until a bit of stirring from Brian brought him back to full awareness. </p><p>Brian blinked his eyes open and immediately smiled at Roger, eyes full of pain and fatigue but not nearly as much as they had been earlier. He gazed at Roger thoughtfully for a long moment and Roger waited for him to speak. </p><p>“You’re an angel.”</p><p>Roger giggled involuntarily. Even with the pain still in Brian’s eyes and voice Roger could tell he was feeling better. The pain was tolerable, at least, which would have to be good enough for now. Roger kissed him, softly and tenderly. “Are you ok now?”</p><p>Brian smiled again, running a hand through Roger’s messy hair. “Yeah. I’m sorry I scared you. I was trying to talk, it was just… difficult.”</p><p>“It’s alright, you don’t have to apologize. None of this is your fault. Are you hungry?”</p><p>Brian winced slightly. “Not really.”</p><p>“Can you eat something anyway?”</p><p>“I’ll do my best.” </p><p>Roger nodded, satisfied. “Thank you.”</p><p>Brian chuckled. “It doesn’t take much to please you, does it?” </p><p>“Not anymore. I have what I want most.” </p><p>“So you finally saved up enough money for that new car?”</p><p>Roger laughed. “Oh, shut up.” Brian gently took his face in both hands and pulled him into another kiss. </p><p>“I have what I want most, too. I’m still wondering when I’m going to wake up from all this.” </p><p>“Want me to pinch you?” </p><p>“I would prefer that you didn’t, but I appreciate the offer.” </p><p>Roger chuckled. “Let’s head downstairs, yeah? Freddie and Deaky will be glad to see you’re feeling a bit better.” </p><p>Brian sighed. “I hate worrying you all.” </p><p>“Well, I hate that our worrying makes you worry.”</p><p>“Alright, we could do this all day.” </p><p>Roger smiled. He had a feeling that approach would work. “Are you ok to walk?” </p><p>It was such an awkward question to ask, but certainly not without precedent, and Brian didn’t appear to be bothered by it. “Oh, yeah.”</p><p>Roger nodded and they made their way downstairs, where Freddie and John were sitting together at the table. Immediately upon seeing Brian, Freddie ran up close to him to look him over. “Darling, are you feeling better?”</p><p>Brian kissed him on the forehead. “I’m ok.”</p><p>Roger was pleased to discover that Brian giving affection to the others no longer made him jealous. That was going to save him a lot of time and energy.</p><p>Freddie sighed anxiously. “You’re pushing yourself too hard. I know that’s not what you want to hear, but it’s true. You need to slow down, honey,” He said, looking guilty as if he thought he was out of line for even suggesting such a thing. Roger had been planning to tell Brian the same, and was honestly a bit relieved that Freddie did it first.</p><p>Brian was quiet for a while, expression difficult to read. Eventually, he replied, “I think you’re right.”</p><p>Freddie stared at him in surprise. “Wait, really?”</p><p>“Yeah, I… I don’t know. I’m not sleeping and I know it’s going to catch up to me eventually. I wonder if I could finish my classes online for this term? I don’t know if they usually allow a change like that partway through a course, but maybe with extenuating circumstances… I think I should ask my advisor. I just worry that I’m making things worse for myself, you know? Maybe I’d feel better sooner if I slowed down, like you said.”</p><p>Roger’s eyes widened in surprise and relief. “Of course they’ll let you! Why the hell wouldn’t they? I swear to god, if they give you any shit-”</p><p>“Roger,” Brian interjected, chuckling, “I haven’t even asked yet.”</p><p>Freddie threw his arms around him. “I’m so proud of you!”</p><p>Brian smiled. “Well, I never would have come to this conclusion by myself.”</p><p>“Trust me, I know.”</p><p>Brian laughed. “I want to thank you all, though. For taking care of me and bugging me to take care of myself. I know I haven’t made it easy,” He added sheepishly. </p><p>Freddie smiled warmly. “You know it’s our pleasure!”</p><p>“Speaking of Brian making things difficult,” John cut in, prompting an eye roll from the taller man, “Eat something. I know you haven’t eaten enough today. It’s mac and cheese night. The feast of kings.”</p><p>Brian chuckled and pulled up a chair next to Roger, who was already digging in. Brian scooped some food onto his plate before turning back to John. “How are things with you?”</p><p>“Are you going to ask me that literally every time you see me?”</p><p>“It would be smart for you to resign yourself to that possibility, yes.” Brian shot back, making John laugh. </p><p>“I’m good. Freddie reminded me that I can force the baby to listen to whatever music I want, so I’m pretty excited about that.”</p><p>“Are you really going to lull your infant to sleep exclusively with disco?” Roger asked. </p><p>“Of course not! I’ll also mix in some funk.”</p><p>Roger laughed. “Well that’s fine, then. By the way, when are you moving out?”</p><p>John raised an eyebrow. “Don’t act too eager!”</p><p>Roger rolled his eyes. “I’m just curious, jeez.”</p><p>Freddie anxiously tapped his fingers on the table, distracting Roger from his question. “Brian, love, you’re not eating.” Roger followed Freddie’s gaze to see Brian pushing his food around on the plate with his fork, glancing up guiltily once he’d been caught. </p><p>“Sorry, I just… I’m afraid I’ll be sick if I do.”</p><p>Roger frowned worriedly. “Are you still having stomach issues?”</p><p>Brian shrugged. “Migraines make me nauseous. I don’t think it’s really my stomach that’s the problem.” </p><p>“The doctor said there’s a lot of things that could be triggering migraines for you, but he suspects stress,” John offered. </p><p>Brian looked a little surprised by that. “I figured it was just a residual symptom.” </p><p>“Stress is a residual symptom.” Roger reminded him, and Brian considered it.</p><p>“I guess I didn’t think about it like that. I assumed I was bringing it on myself.” </p><p>“<em>Please </em> don’t tell me you actually think you deserve any of this,” Freddie said cautiously, with a distinct edge of protectiveness to his voice.</p><p>“No! No, of course not.”</p><p>Freddie looked immensely relieved. “Good. I was ready to get into a fistfight with your brain.”</p><p>Brian laughed softly. “Thanks, Fred. I’m getting better with the self-blame thing.” Roger skeptically raised an eyebrow, and Brian added, “I said <em> better</em>, Rog. I didn’t say it’s actually good.”</p><p>“Fair enough.”</p><p>“You need to eat,” Freddie urged. “Even if you get sick. You can’t stop eating.” </p><p>Brian hesitantly took a bite, setting down his fork and preparing to run to the loo if his stomach rebelled, but nothing happened. He sighed. “Sorry.” </p><p>Freddie tilted his head to the side. “For what, darling?” </p><p>“I… I don’t know. Not eating, I guess.” </p><p>Freddie frowned. “You have nothing to apologize for. I do wish you wouldn’t be so hard on yourself.” </p><p>Brian smiled softly. “I just don’t want to burden any of you.” </p><p>“You never have and you never will!” Freddie insisted, and Brian relaxed, giving him a grateful smile. “Besides,” Freddie continued, “If anyone is a burden in this household, it’s Roger.” </p><p>“Oi,” Roger objected. “Those are some brave words for a man who’s within food-throwing distance!”</p><p>Freddie rolled his eyes, turning his attention to John who was just watching the whole exchange in amusement. “Deaky, my dear, you’ll be a great father. You already have so much experience living with children.”</p><p>John chuckled. “That’s what I’ve been telling myself.”</p><p> </p><p>________</p><p>
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</p><p>One day about a week later, Roger waited until he knew Brian had finished his assignments for the day and then waltzed into their shared room and dramatically announced, “I think it’s about time I took you on a date!” </p><p>He wasn’t surprised to see an equal combination of excitement and hesitancy crossing Brian’s face. “I’m not sure I feel up for going out tonight-”</p><p>“Who said anything about going out?” Roger interrupted, grinning. Brian furrowed his eyebrows in confusion, and Roger grabbed his hand and started pulling him out of the room.</p><p>“Roger, what are we doing?”</p><p>“Just follow me!”</p><p>Roger led him downstairs and watched Brian’s eyes widen at the scene before him. Roger had dimmed the lights and decorated the living and dining rooms as nicely as he could, with tablecloths and candles and the nicest wine glasses he could find sitting on the dining room table. A Hendrix album was playing softly in the background as Brian looked around the room in wonder. Roger was ready to burst with excitement.</p><p>“What do you think? I know it’s hard for you that you have to lay low for a while, but I figured we could have a nice night and still take it easy, you know?” Roger frowned worriedly when Brian suddenly blinked and wiped at his eyes. “Hey, what’s wrong? Are you ok? Does something hurt? I can-”</p><p>“No, no, Rog, I’m good!” Brian reassured. “This is so thoughtful, I just...” Brian chuckled softly, wiping at his eyes one more time. “You’re wonderful.”</p><p>Roger beamed. “So you like it?”</p><p>Brian pulled him into a hug. “I love it, Rog. Thank you.”</p><p>Roger kissed him on the cheek before pulling away. “You deserve it. Come on, sit!”</p><p>Brian let Roger pull out his chair for him and he sat down, glancing at the glass in front of him and looking a bit apologetic. “I dunno if I should be drinking alcohol…”</p><p>“Of course you shouldn’t. It’s raspberry tea.”</p><p>Brian laughed. “You put hot tea in a wine glass?”</p><p>“What can I say; I’m a romantic.”</p><p>Brian smiled shyly. “Well, this is certainly my favorite date I’ve ever had, I can tell you that.”</p><p>Roger blushed softly. “Wow, you have low expectations.”</p><p>“I really, really don't.”</p><p>Roger blushed even more. “Stop it. I’m supposed to be the one sweeping you off your feet.”</p><p>Brian giggled. “Sorry. I should confess, I never quite know what to say on dates. I’m pretty awkward.”</p><p>Roger smiled fondly. “That’s ok, I’ll start. Let’s get to know each other a bit. What do you do for a living?”</p><p>Roger could tell by Brian’s eyes the exact moment he decided to humor him. “Oh, I’m a student. Astrophysics. I also play music with a band every now and then.”</p><p>Roger pretended to look impressed. “Wow, a band, that’s cool! What do you play?”</p><p>“Triangle.”</p><p>Roger laughed. “The most important element of any rock group.”</p><p>“I never said it was rock.”</p><p>Roger scoffed. “Come on, man, look at your hair! You’re a rocker.”</p><p>Brian laughed. “What about you, then? What do you like to do for fun?”  </p><p>“I’m the president of a flat earth conspiracist group.”</p><p>Brian looked like he was desperately trying to keep a straight face. “That’s very interesting. Have you always had a passion for pissing off physicists?”</p><p>“There’s certain ones in particular. Alright, next question. How many kids do you want?” </p><p>Brian nearly choked on his tea. “Roger!”</p><p>“Relax, I’m kidding. Umm, ok, describe your best friend.”</p><p>“He has a habit of asking wildly intimate questions on first dates, but he’s extremely attractive so he can get away with it.”</p><p>Roger laughed. “That’s a bit shallow, don’t you think? Only focusing on physical attractiveness?”</p><p>Brian smiled playfully. “I didn’t say physical.”</p><p>Roger could feel himself blushing deeply again. “Oh.” </p><p>“Physicality is definitely a part of it, though. I cannot stress enough how good looking he is.”</p><p>“Shut up.”</p><p>“You asked!” </p><p>Roger shook his head, face still flushing. “Alright, we know each other well enough now.”</p><p>Brian laughed. “Roger, thank you so much for doing this. Did you kick Freddie and Deaky out of the apartment?”</p><p>“No!”</p><p>Brian raised an eyebrow.</p><p>“Fine, I did. They didn’t care; they both have a place to stay the night anyway.”</p><p>Brian gazed at him for a long moment. “Probably three or four.” </p><p>Roger was at a complete loss. “What?”</p><p>Brian smiled warmly. “Kids.” </p><p>Roger felt like the wind had been knocked out of him. “Oh! I was thinking four or five.” </p><p>Brian hummed thoughtfully. Roger couldn’t get over his surprise that Brian had actually answered the question. Eventually he just admitted, “I don’t know what to say now.” </p><p>Brian chuckled. “Me neither.” </p><p>“Sorry, I’m usually much more smooth and suave than this. I think I’m a little drunk off of the tea.”</p><p>Brian laughed. “Oh, yeah, me too. Not looking forward to this hangover.” </p><p>Roger snorted. “Want to go over to the couch and get cozy?” </p><p>“Sure, but if I fall asleep you can’t take it personally.” </p><p>“Bri, I’ll be thrilled if you fall asleep.” </p><p>“Rude.” </p><p>Roger rolled his eyes. “Bugger off; you know what I mean.” </p><p>“I know.” Brian smiled. </p><p>They made their way over to the couch where Roger immediately curled up to Brian’s side and laid his head on his shoulder. Brian rested his head on Roger’s. </p><p>“Thank you for everything.” Brian said softly, wrapping his arm around Roger. </p><p>Roger smiled contentedly and just nuzzled up even closer. It was bliss. “You too.” </p><p>“Is it too early to say I love you?” </p><p>Roger chuckled. “You’ve told me that a thousand times.” </p><p>“I know, but it’s kind of different now, isn’t it?” </p><p>Roger looked up at him, staring at him for so long that Brian started to look a bit nervous. Finally, he said, “I love you, Brian.” </p><p>Brian flashed him one of his beautiful smiles and Roger felt a happy sort of warmth spreading through him. He closed his eyes, wanting the moment to last forever. He couldn’t even bring himself to care how cliche that sounded. Brian slightly tightened his grip around him and pressed a soft kiss to the top of his head.</p><p> </p><p>“I love you too, Roger.” </p><p> </p>
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<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Finally, the epilogue to our story. Thank you so, so much for reading!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
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  <b>*EPILOGUE - ONE YEAR LATER*</b>
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</p><p> </p><p>“Come on, hand him over.”</p><p>Brian pouted. “It’s my turn!”</p><p>Roger rolled his eyes. “You’ve been saying that for the last hour and a half.”</p><p>Brian looked over at Roger with puppy-dog eyes before looking back down at baby Robert in his arms. Finally, he obliged and gently placed him in Roger’s arms instead, still pouting. “Fine, but you should know I haven’t had to change him in a while so you have that to look forward to.”</p><p>“Bastard!”</p><p>Brian chuckled and pulled out his phone, quickly responding to John’s text asking if everything was going alright.</p><p>Roger snuggled Robert up to his chest. “Remind me again where Deaky is?”</p><p>“He’s on a date. Probably planning to make more babies with his wife, would be my guess.” Brian responded.</p><p>“Hmm. And Fred?”</p><p>“Out with Jim, doing things I will not speak of in front of a child.”</p><p>Roger nodded. “Interesting. And how am I spending my Saturday night?”</p><p>Brian smirked. “You have the honor and pleasure of hanging out not only with your loving boyfriend, but also with an adorable baby!”</p><p>Roger chuckled. “We need to have a date night soon; it’s been awhile. How about next week?”</p><p>“We have gigs every night next week.”</p><p>“<em>Every </em> night?!”</p><p>Brian laughed. “Yup. Every single night.”</p><p>“That’s awesome!” </p><p>“Speak for yourself! I have three tests next week!”</p><p>Roger laughed. “Drop out. You’re a rockstar, Bri, you don’t need a PhD.” </p><p>“You just want that so I have more time to take you for crazy nights on the town.”</p><p>Roger snorted. “Right, because going to a science museum at 4pm qualifies as a crazy night on the town.”</p><p>“That was your idea!” Brian protested.</p><p>“Because I know you love nerdy shit like that.”</p><p>Brian shot Roger a scolding look. “No cursing in front of Robert!”</p><p>Roger looked down at the sleeping baby on his chest and then back up at Brian incredulously. “Are you serious?”</p><p>“You can still hear and process information in your sleep.”</p><p>Roger rolled his eyes. “Fine. Robert, if you’re listening, don’t repeat anything I say, ever, under any circumstances.”</p><p>Brian laughed. “Alright, that should cover it. Are you hungry?”</p><p>“What do we have?”</p><p>Brian shrugged. “I dunno. I’ll make you something.” </p><p>Roger smiled at him appreciatively. Brian kissed him on the cheek before getting up and looking through the fridge. </p><p>“Actually, we might need to get takeout.” Brian called from the kitchen.</p><p>Roger raised an eyebrow. “Why’s that?”</p><p>“I don’t know what I can make with orange juice, mustard, and peanut butter cookies.”</p><p>“Throw them in the blender and see what happens.”</p><p>Brian sat back down next to him on the couch, pulling out his phone. “Good idea. Or, alternatively, I could do anything but that.”</p><p>Roger laughed. “What are we getting, then?”</p><p>Brian shrugged. “You pick. You’re on diaper duty, it’s the least I can do.”</p><p>“Pizza.” </p><p>“From where?”</p><p>“I don’t know. One of those places that has the gross weird vegan cheese you like.”</p><p>Brian laughed softly. “Thanks. I’m guessing you want your half to have as much meat as they’re willing to put on it?”</p><p>“Willingness has nothing to do with it. I want all the meat they have.”</p><p>Brian rolled his eyes again. “You know, studies have shown that plant based diets-”</p><p>“Don’t.” Roger interrupted. “I’m willing to fight you.”</p><p>Brian smiled brightly. “You can’t! Not with the baby sleeping on you.”</p><p>“Fine, but you better watch yourself after Deaky takes his kid back.”</p><p>Brian was about to respond when Freddie suddenly ran through the door, quickly followed by John, Jim, and Veronica. Brian and Roger looked at each other in confusion as Veronica quickly grabbed Robert out of Roger’s arms and the others just stood there like they were waiting to make some kind of announcement.</p><p>“What the hell is going on?” Roger asked, looking around at the whole group who were still just staring at him and Brian.</p><p>Brian looked alarmed. “Is everything ok?”</p><p>“Oh yeah, yeah, don’t worry.” John jumped in, before turning to Freddie, clearly waiting for him to explain.</p><p>Freddie was beaming. “You boys might want to sit down.”</p><p>“We are sitting, Fred.”</p><p>“Well, keep sitting, then!” Freddie looked like he might literally explode from excitement. “You must be wondering what we’re all doing here.”</p><p>He paused, probably for dramatic effect, but Roger couldn’t stand the suspense anymore. “Oh my god, just tell us!”</p><p>Roger looked back and forth between the four of them before looking back at Brian, who still looked equally confused. Finally, Freddie spoke again, grinning widely.</p><p> </p><p>“I’ve just gotten a call from John Reid.”</p>
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